Four stages of burnout : enthusiasm, stagnation, frustration and finally, apathy.
Sound familiar? Once applicable chiefly to the professional world, we
now recognize this cycle in other areas of life, such as parenting,
relationships . . . and yes, even school.
From bright-eyed and
bushy-tailed kindergartners who suddenly balk at getting on the school
bus to star-student seniors who now hit the snooze button well into
first period, no child is immune to burnout. Here some tips to help you
squash that burnout and help motivate your child:
1) Stop running. It’s a proven fact that kids who
are involved in outside activities tend to perform better academically.
Certainly, activities are great, but when they start piling up, kids can
lose more than just sleep. Children suffering burnout due to
over scheduling tend to be less focused and more irritable. If “downtime”
is in the car somewhere between soccer practice and piano lessons, you
may want to consider whether or not it’s time to scale back your child’s
agenda. Sit down with your kid and examine his commitments—does everything serve enough of a purpose that it warrants
giving up free time? It may also be time to reevaluate your own
expectations and how your child perceives them. Many parents are
surprised to find that their children are participating in activities
only because they feel such involvement is expected of them. Chances
are, some activities can fall by the wayside without too much grief for
both of you.
2) Burnout or boredom? Perhaps over scheduling
isn’t the problem. Does your usually attentive student seem resentful of
or resigned to his schoolwork? Is your “How was school today?” greeted
with shrugs and monosyllabic grunts? The issue here might not be
stimulation overload, but its opposite. If an adolescent is not feeling
challenged in school, he or she can experience some of the same symptoms
as burnout. Especially if your child has an undemanding schedule to
begin with, consider discussing the possibility of gifted, advanced
placement or elective classes. On the other hand, your son or
daughter may be eager to establish an identity beyond just academics
after the first hundred days. Now might also be a good time to take on
some extracurricular activities like sports, scouting or fine arts.
Getting involved with on-campus programs helps kids feel as though they
have a personal investment in the school—and this can be rejuvenating
both in and out of the classroom. Keep those lines of communication open
to ensure that your child’s new academic and/or extracurricular life
doesn’t shift the balance from boredom into actual burnout.
3) Stop, drop and roll. Some kids’ activity and
anxiety levels make them especially prone to exhaustion. For
high-stress, high-energy kids, work on daily coping strategies for
burnout. When your son or daughter starts to feel overwhelmed, negative
or apathetic, encourage him or her to stop, drop and roll. The same
strategy that worked for fire safety can also work to help kids squelch
stress. Stopping involves stepping back. Help your child take a personal
inventory. Ask, “Where are you now, and what do you want to accomplish
today?” “Drop” means just that—what can your son or daughter let go of?
Children often struggle with prioritizing, and when all daily
activities seem equally imperative to a child, this can trigger burnout.
Help them to see that not everything needs to be accomplished in a day.
Finally, rolling means changing direction. This can be anything from
varying a daily routine to delegating a responsibility—the most
important thing is that you help your kid brainstorm a new, reasonable
approach to his or her aims. This type of short-term goal setting
engenders long-term feelings of accomplishment and self-worth, both of
which are key to avoiding burnout.
4) When to get help. Some parents are apt to see
it as laziness, and older kids’ teachers may shrug it off as
run-of-the-mill teen angst, but if your child’s
indifference is a continuing occurrence it may be just one symptom of a
larger problem. Severe burnout can have physical, emotional
and academic consequences, making it hard to distinguish from more
serious issues like depression or even chronic fatigue syndrome. If you
suspect something more than mid-year ennui, contact a health care
professional.
5) Slow down together. Studies also show that
burned out parents are more likely to have burned out kids. If your idea
of breakfast is a lukewarm coffee while shuttling kids to school and
you’ve been working during dinner for months, your stress might be
carrying over into your child’s life. Most experts agree that families
should aim for at least a few meals together a week; in fact, just
talking and laughing together can go a long way towards personal
renewal. Finding the perfect ratio of work to play may not come
overnight, but a little flexibility and good communication can help your
whole family avoid burnout.
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