Saturday 28 April 2012

Don't Spoil Your Kids With Money. The Difference Between Rewards and Bribes.


Children are the center of most parents’ lives and there is nothing that a parent will not do to keep their child happy. This is where most modern parents walk the fine line between good and bad parenting. In olden days when people where not so driven by consumerism, it was easier for parents to reward their kids without spoiling them. Now, with so many ways that kids can entertain themselves and with so much peer pressure to buy a certain brand of clothing or shoes, parents find it difficult to control children and not over indulge them.

The first tip to good parenting is to know the difference between rewards and bribes. While the former is an acknowledgement of good behavior, excellent academic performance and such, the latter is give to cajole kids to behave in a certain way. Knowing the difference between these two and how to discipline your child will go a long way towards bringing up kids without spoiling them. Always remember loving them does not mean that you can never say ‘no’ to them.

Remember that you will be doing them a great disservice by spoiling them for they will grow up to be petulant and spoilt adults. Very often, it is money that is the way that parents spoil kids. They can say ‘Throw the garbage and I will give you $5” or ‘Get good grades and I will buy you a bike’ and make similar promises. Most kids are smart and when they find that they can bribe their parents in this way, they will never voluntarily help at home or study unless there is a monetary reward offered.

Parents will only set a dangerous precedent if they bribe kids from a young age for here are some ways that money as a reward can spoil kids:
• Will not appreciate the value of money
• Become self-absorbed
• Parents can never set or enforce rules
• Poor social behavior
• Become materialistic

A child spoilt by being offered bribes will never learn the value of hard work and money. He will think that throwing a tantrum will get him what he wants and demand money for even small tasks like making his own bed. Spoilt children will be self-centered and self-absorbed putting his own wants above those of his family. Even if the family is facing a financial crisis, he will never tone down his wants.

If a child receives money for every act then his entire life will be governed by extrinsic motivations like monetary rewards and not intrinsic motivations like pride in doing a task well. Parents will never be able to set or enforce rules for a child who is used to monetary rewards will never listen to a simple ‘no’ but make demands for obeying rules. Spoilt kids will have a lot of problems integrating in society for they will be demanding when dealing with friends or teachers.

They will act like brats and expect always to get their own way and give prime importance to material goods rather than to simple love and friendship. A parent’s role is to prepare a child to be a good citizen and they will be doing a great disservice to their kids and society at large by spoiling them with too much money. So, how can parents reward children and not spoil them? Start by setting clear rules and boundaries and explain to them what is expected.

Tell them that some chores need to be done as being part of a family and not with the idea of receiving a monetary reward. Recompense your child for good behavior in non-monetary ways like extra television time or a dinner at their favorite burger joint. Let them realize that praise and a hug or kiss is also a kind of reward. If you do want to offer a reward for good behavior or performing an extra difficult task, do not let your child bargain and offer the reward after the task is performed satisfactorily.

If your child has performed extremely well at school, then you may wish to give a bigger reward like buying a bicycle. You can get your child involved in the purchase by letting him contribute a small amount towards the purchase – e.g. buy the bell or a special basket to go on the bike. This will teach them not only the value of money, but that money need not always be the reward for hard work or good behavior.



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Tuesday 24 April 2012

Tips To Boost Your Child Brain Power

Success: it's what every parent wants for their child and anyone is capable of achieving it. Contrary to popular assumption, people aren't just born into lucky circumstances that create winners; anyone can train their brain to think like one. Here are some suggested tactics that your child can harness to succeed, no matter what his definition of success is:

1. Be Resilient. Show your child that, as easy as it is to mope about failure, it's just as easy to examine what worked, what didn't, and what you can do better next time. A winner's brain recovers from life's challenges by dealing with shortcomings, misfires, and failures whether they are self-generated or brought on by circumstances beyond one's control. Winners reframe failures so that they work to their advantage and recognize that when things don't go according to plan the journey isn't necessarily over—and in fact failure is often a new opportunity in disguise.

2. Narrow Your Focus. Your child can try distracting himself temporarily with a simple meditation exercise: disconnect from your project to take notice of the little things in your surroundings—the sounds, the sights, the smells. When he returns to his project, he'll be able to zoom in on what he's doing.

3. Engage Your Opportunity Radar. Opportunity Radar is the ability to turn something that most people would perceive as a failure or an inconvenience into inspiration. Winners are continually scanning for blips on life's radar screen, and when a blip looks interesting, they investigate. People with exceptional Opportunity Radar recognize that opportunities don't always come gift-wrapped; more often than not they come wrapped in a problem or an idea that everyone else has simply missed. Encourage your child to develop his radar by embracing the aspects of an attempt that did work and expanding upon them, rather than throwing in the towel at the first sign of defeat.

4. Take Care of Your Brain. Optimal brain function is not a case of nature trumping nurture. It's also how you nurture what nature gave you...and it turns out what is good for the body is usually good for the brain (which is after all a part of the body). We've identified four brain-care habits that are of particular importance for a healthy brain: physical activity, providing your brain with rich and meaningful experiences, eating a brain-healthy diet, and getting plenty of good sleep. Most pediatricians recommend an hour or more of physical activity and between 10 and 14 hours of sleep for school-age children. Rich and meaningful experiences can be obtained through extracurriculars or hobbies. Foods rich in Omega-3 and -6 fatty acids, found in many lean meats and oils, and antioxidants found in fruits and vegetables, are the best brain food.

5. Reboot Often. If your child find himself in a slump with something he's normally good at, try a reboot. Take a few lessons, read a book geared toward beginners, or practice some basic drills. Top athletes we've spoken with do this frequently, but it also applies to just about any skill or task where your child find himself stuck in a rut. For your child, this can mean wiping the slate clean and going back to basics. If your child is struggling in math, suggest that he start his next round of studying with simple addition and subtraction problems, and work his way back up to speed.




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Thursday 19 April 2012

Relaxation Techniques for Children

Deep Breathing: This activity helps children relax by slowing their breathing rate, decreasing the heart rate and normalizing blood pressure. Teach your child to take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds and then release it. On inhaling, the abdomen should expand and not the chest. Deep breathing is the process of slow inhalation followed by slow and complete exhalation. It should be done in a comfortable position, sitting or lying down. Practicing deep breathing regularly has lasting effects on overall health.

Music: Play your child's favorite music. It's a great way to relax. Fast beats can increase the heart rate and induce a feeling of excitement in the child. Music played for relaxation should be soft. Religious music can have a soothing effect. Soft classical music is a good choice of relaxing music. Instrumental music is also an option. But it is said that a person's individual preference of music can have the greatest impact on his mind. So play music that your child prefers. Music can give your child the strength to fight stress. It also serves as a good diversion from worries.

Exercise: With regular exercise, one becomes more capable of coping with stress. Exercise is known to generate happiness molecules, as they are called, which means it leads to certain hormonal changes that create a feeling of happiness and relaxation. Inculcate the habit of exercising in your child. Here we give you an exercise specifically aimed at achieving relaxation of the mind and body. Ask your child to lie down and relax his muscles, starting from the toes, traveling up thus relaxing his body. Instruct your child to keep his muscles relaxed, that is without tension or tightness in them. This is a good way of relaxation and easier for children to do.

Meditation: Meditation is the best way to relax your mind. It needs to be practiced individually, so children need to be taught the technique. A relatively simpler form of meditation is the breathing meditation. In this technique, one has to concentrate on his breathing, keeping the mind away from all external distractions. One has to instruct himself to pay attention to only his breathing and keep all negative thoughts away. Once your child learns this form of meditation, you can teach him to convey positive messages to his mind while meditating. Apart from relaxing one's mind, this technique also boosts one's confidence and makes one feel more positive. You can choose to play meditation music for the child and over time, combine meditation with yoga. Practicing yoga is an excellent way to achieve both physical fitness and mental relaxation.

Laughter:  "Laughter is the best", medicine they say. It really is. It makes you forget your worries. You feel rejuvenated and relaxed. Give your children reasons to laugh. Comics, kids' comedy movies, funny stories and jokes can serve the purpose. Laughter is also a good exercise for facial muscles. For the positivity laughter brings, it's one of the best relaxation techniques for kids and adults alike.

Toe Tensing: This is a method of drawing tension down to the toe. It can seem difficult for a child but with practice, it can prove to be a good relaxation technique. This is an exercise that involves lying on the back and allowing yourself to tense your toe. Ask the child to pull his toe muscles towards the body and hold the position for ten counts. Do 4-5 repetitions of the exercise.

Visualization: Experts say that picturing things you like can make you feel relaxed. Let the child imagine good things happening to him and visualize anything that gives them pleasure. For someone it could be visualizing a trip to Disneyland, for someone, it could be imagining becoming a famous actor. Ask your child to imagine his dream coming into reality. This has to be done with closed eyes. The thoughts and imagery of a positive picture makes a person feel relaxed.

Taking A Break: A break from routine is an effective way to relax. It allows you some time to switch off from work. When your child feels stressed, let him take a break and rest for a while. Encourage your child to spend some time pursuing his hobbies. That's for sure relaxing. Kids these days are almost as busy as we adults are. A hectic schedule gives them no time to break free. Give them that. A short break will give them the energy to get back to routine things. Taking small breaks during the day, thus taking some time off for oneself, is definitely a great relaxation technique. Teach your children that and they'll also learn to manage time.

Binaural Sound: Experts recommend exposure to binaural sounds as a good way for relaxation. The technique involves listening to binaural sounds for around half an hour everyday. It is known to generate signals of wavelengths that can reduce stress and also enhance one's creativity. It is advisable to seek guidance about how to use this technique with children.

Introvert: This technique might sound difficult, but if given proper training, children pick up really well. It serves as a very good way of getting rid of stress. With introversion, you can go to the root of whatever's causing you stress. Through introversion, you reflect on yourself and the situation at hand. You understand yourself better, whereby you are able to cope with stress more effectively. Help your child acquire this technique. It will go a long way in making your child stronger and abler in dealing with stress.






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Tuesday 17 April 2012

Motivating Yourself to Study for Exams

Motivation is an important factor that would help you to study well for your exams. Motivation is not an art or a big technique. It is as simple as your need to feed yourselves everyday. These some ways of how to motivate yourselves to study for exams.

To stay motivated and achieve a target, you first need to keep your mind sharp and positive.No one can ignore the importance of education, and it is very important to motivate yourself to study for your exams. Though we get help from our parents, teachers and other well wishers to score well and acquire academic knowledge, it is in our hands to implement the action, in order to achieve success.
  
Remind Yourself about the Consequences of Not Scoring Well
You need to understand that your academic history is very important in each step of your life; right from your college admission to job. It you don't score well, you may not get admission in a good college or get a job of your choice, and you may have to compromise with your career. Tell it to yourself that, It is my life and I need to work hard to achieve what I want. It is not only you who is going to suffer because of your poor performance, but also your parents. So, when you compare the consequences of not scoring well with the effort you need to put now, you will surely get motivated to open your textbooks and start studying.

Enjoy Studying
It is hard to digest this fact. Many of you think that, 'enjoying studying' is a paradoxical statement. No, it is not. Studying and learning things is never hard, if you enjoy and perceive the purpose in it. There are many subjects which you can learn for fun such as general science, physics, history etc. It's still doubtful, whether to include maths among fun and interesting subjects. So, try to comprehend the merit in your subjects and learn them.

Associate Yourself with Good and Hardworking People
It is true that friends play a significant role in shaping your career. When you associate yourself with bad and irresponsible people who care the least about their education, it is likely that they may rub off on you. The positive waves from good and hardworking friends, will motivate you to study well.

Set a Rational Deadline to Meet the Required Targets
Once you set your finishing line, it will be easy to work on it. When you set a target, your direction towards studying will be controlled and organized. Intelligent accomplishment can be acquired only when your input (studying) is linked with your target. At the same time, don't set a deadline that is much ahead of your capability. Before setting your target, consider the factors such as your ability, stamina, difficulty level of the subject you want to study and exam date. Don't get too excited, and set a target such as completing your whole syllabus in one day. If you are capable of doing it, good, however, if you are not able to, it will demotivate you, instead of the other way round.

Utilize the Early Morning Hours
It has scientifically proven that our brains work at its best during the early morning hours. The freshness that you feel in the morning time, can be found nowhere in the rest of the day. During the morning, you can study some subject whichever you feel is complicated, because the grasping power of the brain will be more during this time. The point is, once you gain confidence in a difficult subject, you can easily go on with other subjects and excel without much effo

Know that Time is a Precious Thing
It is an undeniable fact that time is a valuable thing. Study now because this is the right age and never let the clock tick away your life without any purpose, success or prosperity in it.

Organize Your Study Room
This is a psychological way of getting motivated to study and to avoid distractions while you study. Keep your study room clean and well-organized, so that you will feel like studying peacefully. Arrange your textbooks properly in your book shelves.

Don't...
  • Procrastinate your course of study.
  • Keep your cell phones and other gadgets while you are studying. They consume all your time without your knowledge.
  • Get intimidated if your friends are running ahead of you.
  • Miss the lectures of good and efficient teachers.
  • Let anyone say that you cannot do it.



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Saturday 14 April 2012

Supporting Your Gifted Child

You’ve done your parental homework. You sought professional help early on. You’ve worked in tandem with your school district to understand what services they offer. You’ve spent extra time with your child’s teachers so everyone is on the same page. You’ve even successfully navigated the psychological testing maze. Your instincts proved correct: Your kid is gifted!

Once the flush of success and excitement wears off, reality hits. Along with the kudos and perks of having a gifted child, you begin to realize there is a downside as well. Your child displays a level of boredom and impatience that tries your patience. Frustration and disappointment reign when his self-imposed goals aren’t met. His lack of a social peer group causes you worry and a certain level of sadness. And more worrisome is his seemingly disregard for family boundaries and rules.

As if the challenges your gifted child brings to the family unit aren’t enough, society at large joins in. Most people don’t know what is considered normal for the gifted is most often labeled neurosis in the general population. Given this observation, it is imperative that parents provide their gifted child with an extra dose of support in the following areas:

1) Emotional intensity. Heightened emotions often go hand-in-hand with all that brain power. And feeling emotions more intensely than others can lead your gifted child to see himself as “abnormal.” Reassure  him that his emotional responses are normal, for him. Do you have a memory of a time that you felt intensely emotional? Share your story. 

2) Extreme sensitivity. Intense sensitivity is perfectly normal for the gifted child. Again, reassure your child. Explain to him in simple terms that others might view his sensitivity as “inappropriate” or “abnormal” because they don’t understand. Use a realistic approach when teaching your child that the world-at-large is not always kind.

3) Discipline. All children test limits; it’s their job. But some gifted children test limits to the hilt. Exercise appropriate discipline. Best results come from verbally communicating expectations, highlighting the rules and regulations. Have your child play back to you their interpretation of what they heard. Correct misinterpretations and always leave room for negotiation.

4) Venting. Nothing you do as a parent holds more worth than giving your child your full attention. Active listening is more about validating than giving advice or offering suggestions. Practice daily. 

5) Safety nets. Be present in your child’s world. Know their friends, teachers, dance instructor, and soccer coach. Build relationships with those in your child’s “village.” When problems surface, you have a support system; when success happens, you have a fan club.




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Thursday 12 April 2012

Teaching Kids to Make Good Choices

Are you a parent who gives in to your child's demands, even though your kid is only a year old? Stop before you go any further and regret your pampering later in life, when your child becomes spoiled for choice.

Start Early: Don't Let Them be Spoiled for Choice
Kids apparently find a way to get things done according to their wish and being a parent, you should be wary of their demands. Begin teaching your kids to make choices early in life, it will help save you from pesky teenagers in the future. Making decisions should be taught when the child learns how to walk; in short, as soon as the child learns to stand on his/her own feet and talk. Your child will respect you more if, as a parent, you teach him/her to differentiate the right from the wrong. Remember, your child is an individual and sooner they realize their responsibilities, the better.

Simple Things Matter
Your child will grow up to be a mature individual, capable to make the right choices, only if you as a parent, will allow them to discern the right from the wrong when they are small. Teach your child the importance of making decisions by setting the right example. Explain the difference between a good choice and a bad one and support it with your actions. Nothing beats a reward; not necessarily material things but a simple pat on the back can do the trick, especially when they follow your instructions well. Think from the child's perspective, you wouldn't want someone constantly bickering over you about your choices, would you?

Learning from Mistakes
Children will be children and are bound to make mistakes; chances of your child learning to make the right choice through their faults is high, as long as you take time to make them realize that their actions are wrong. Be patient and compassionate about their choices, they might come to you asking for help in deciding, it's invariably your duty to guide them well. Ask your child questions instead of simply burdening them with suggestions. Besides, if giving them a choice allows them to learn and gain a sense of control, then what's the harm?

Responsibility Comes from Doing
Imagine if your parents never permitted you to enjoy the freedom of choice, and restricted your every move, would you have turned out to be a responsible citizen? If the choices that you made in your childhood have molded you to be just who you are, then why hinder your child's ability to take up responsibility. Give your child an option to choose from, make it a point to consider his/her views as well. Taking up responsibilities like helping out in household chores, or caring for pets will enable your child to develop self-worth and a sense of contribution.

Be Compassionate
Your child will develop his/her ability to make good choices if you as a parent genuinely support and encourage your child. Positive encouragement received from an elder, puts the child in the right stead to make a correct decision. Do not judge and doubt your child on one wrong choice, for as most grandparents say, listen with an empathetic ear and judge with a compassionate heart. It is advisable that you encourage positive friendship and choices, and make them aware about negative choices and their impacts.

Learning by Imitating
Have you ever observed your child closely? If you have, then I'm sure you might have noticed your child's inclination to imitate every action performed around him/her. Your child learns more from imitating than from any other source. Be prudent in your actions, your child is observing every move you make and every decision you take. Your child will learn from you, and your choices will definitely affect his/her future choices; besides making good choices will only help develop your child character. Think twice before you ask your kid to lie on the phone to your boss, he/she might do the same one fine day and no guesses who will be at the receiving end!

Love Unconditionally
Finally, do not forget to love and trust your child and his/her decision-making powers. If you put a lifetime in trusting your child, in making the right decisions, the possibility of him/her making a right one is a surety. Love your child unconditionally, there is no greater way to teach your child to make good decisions than to say you love and trust his/her decisions. For obvious reasons, any choice that you offer your child has to be one that you genuinely support. Children can be rash and short-sighted in their decisions but with a bit of precaution and help from your side, they can surely develop their decision-making prowess. Besides, they need a guiding hand and an opportunity to learn, even if it is from their own faults and shortcomings.





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Tuesday 10 April 2012

Learning to Shop With Your Kids


Who doesn’t love shopping? For some reason, there’s the thrill of picking up items in aisles and shelves. If you’re going to shopping malls, you can just make turns to cinemas, food shops, and boutiques.
However, you tend to get more of shopping when you’re doing it alone or with an adult. Thus, it takes some techniques to do so when you have some kids with you. To make shopping with them more fun and less complicated, take note of these tips:

1. Discuss the things to buy with them.
Make sure your kids understand the main purpose for going into stores. Are you just going to buy the needed items? Is it going to be a stroll? Do you have intentions of getting something for the kids?
Don’t underestimate the level of understanding of your children. As long as you can be honest with them and explain the point of shopping properly, you will rarely hear them forcing you to buy a toy that’s definitely out of the question.

2. Encourage them to calculate.
You can bring along calculators and teach them how to use them. Every time you’re going to buy something, you can instruct them to punch the numbers and add the digits. Then explain to them how big or small the amount is. This is a good way of teaching your kids how to be more responsible shoppers someday. They will be mindful of the things they are going to pull off the shelves.

3. Give them their own money.
Some parents would like to treat their kids to shopping, but they have limited budget. What you can do is to give a small amount to your kids and allow them to pick some items, provided they are within the budget range you’ve provided for them. You can train them to be more discerning when it comes to making purchases.

4. Eat before shopping.
If you want to save some money, you may want to take a full meal before you’re going to shop. This way, your children will not look for food later on. If not they wouldn’t mind taking the snacks, which are a lot cheaper.

5. Be a little more patient.
Your children can be pretty unruly or rowdy especially if they get too excited or upset. You should learn how to extend your patience a little longer. If you’re having a hard time doing that, consider using subliminal messages.

Subliminal messages can help change your present manner of thinking from negative to positive. So if you feel you cannot hold on to your patience anymore, turn the subliminal messages on. Some of the subliminal messages you can use are the following:
I can still give more patience to these children.
I definitely understand my children’s behavior.
I am confident I can handle these kids.
I have bright kids who can understand commands.
I have more patience within me.

Shopping with children doesn’t have to be disastrous, especially if you will put to mind and heart the tips you’ve just learned today.




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Wednesday 4 April 2012

10 Tips For Parents With Teens

Growing up with teens doesn't have to be a dreaded thing. We have our ups and downs like most parent/kid relationships, but what an adventure. The hairbrush and hairspray start disappearing, the mascara is nowhere to be found, your best pair of pantyhose gets a mysterious run in it, dad's favorite sweatshirt is missing and they can never remember to tell you important things.

Here are some things you should do, and things you must learned to.
1. Communicate. Have a ready, available listening ear whenever they need it. Let them unload on you.
2. Love them and accept them for what they are unconditionally.
3. Get involved. Enjoy what they enjoy. Get to know their friends. Chaperone activities. It makes them feel important to you.
4. Don't yell or scream at them. Talk it out. Don't lose your cool if you can help it. Treat them as an adult.
5. Be consistent with your rules and standards. Nothing will cause a young person to go bad quicker than inconsistency in training.
6. Be an example of right. Walk speaks louder than talk.
7. Don't belittle them in front of others. They have enough to overcome with peer pressure without mom or dad adding to it.
8. Keep them involved in activities that promote a healthy spiritual consciousness. Take them to teenage soul winning, church-related activities, revivals and camps. Let them help run bus routes and do things that foster an interest in others.
9. When they fail, believe in them. Forgive them. Help them to go on anyway.
10. Don't criticize them. This is an emotional time. If you must correct a problem, try to do it privately and positively. Feeling like they can never measure up or be what you expect them to be is the leading cause of teen suicide.

Love them. Unselfish actions, sincere concern, communication, and lots of prayer, seem to be the key ingredients to keeping a parent/teen relationship sweet. These days are important ones, challenging ones, but ones that can be the most blessed if we look for ways to simply meet the needs of those who need us most.




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