How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex

Take an Active Role in the Sex Education of Your Child

Helping a child to grow up to be a responsible, sexually healthy adult is one of our greatest challenges. But if you take an active role, you can meet that challenge. Research shows that teens are less likely to have sex at an early age, if they feel close to their parents and if their parents clearly communicate their values. Surveys also show that young people actually want to talk with their parents about tough issues like sex. They say they listen to parents more than anyone else about these issues.

Think of Yourself as Your Child's Coach in the Big Game of Life
You know the rules of the game. You know what's important.

• Look for opportunities. A good coach takes every opportunity to build a player's skills. Be alert to what your children are saying to each other. Use TV shows, movies, or advertisements to bring up subjects. Use any opportunity to find out what they really know, teach them, and let them know how you feel.
  
  
• Know what else they are learning. Do you know what is in the curriculum at school? Who is teaching human sexuality? Is it a trained, certified health educator? What else is being taught in faith communities or youth groups?
  
  
• Be prepared to respond. A good coach is ready for any question. There are many resources that can help you learn and prepare. Explore libraries or bookstores. There are whole sections on parenting, sexuality and relationships. Talk to friends, other parents and religious leaders. Remember, a good coach gets help when they need it.
  
  
• Pick your time and place. Choose a time and place that is relaxed and gives you some privacy, especially for in-depth conversations. When you are saying good night is a good time.
  
  
• Keep lines of communication open. A good coach is always "ask-able." It's okay to be embarrassed. This is very personal information. What's important is to be open, so that your kids feel comfortable and safe talking with you about sensitive issues. When they do, be honest. And remember, it's usually more important to listen than to talk.
  
  
• Practice, Practice, Practice. Don't just have "the one big talk." Young people need lots of opportunities to learn about life. Start early. Expect to talk with your child about sex for most of your life. If you mess up, there will always be another chance to do it again.

The Three R's of Sexuality Education for Parents

• Respect. Respect means different things to different people. Your teen or pre-teen is learning this too. Tell them that you expect them to respect others. Explain what you mean by this. Make sure they understand your family rules about privacy, physical touching, or using sexual terms in jokes or name-calling.

• Responsibility. Helping young people find the balance between freedom and responsibility takes time and effort. They need to learn that there are things that they cannot do until they are mature enough. They need enough life experience to handle the consequences of their actions.Teens need to hear how to deal with their sexual feelings in ways that fit your family's values. Be clear and consistent about what you expect of them. They will not know that on their own. They may be resistant because of what they see their friends doing or what they see in the media. It's okay to say, "Our values are different. This is how we do things in our family."

• Role Model. Whether we like it or not, we are the role models for our children. They learn about love, sex and relationships from the adults in their lives. What is important is how we deal with feelings, disagreements, anger and mistakes. Model for your children and teens what mature people do. If you need help, get it.

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7 Kid-Friendly Messages About Body Image

The air-brushed, made-up characters in movies and magazines are just an illusion! But your child may get down if she starts comparing herself to these images. Help your child find the beauty in herself with these age-appropriate, positive messages about how to view her body.

1) Let Her Know That Differences Make Us Shine
Ages 5 to 8: Remind your youngster that bodies come in different shapes, sizes and colors, and that these differences make people unique. Inspire your kid to embrace the special qualities of her own body.

2) Encourage Healthy Habits
Ages 5 to 8: Eating nutritious foods and staying active are important goals. Let your child know that these habits will help her feel healthy and happy.

3) Tell Her About Her Dynamic Development
Ages 9 to 12: The genes we inherit from our family play a big role in how we look, but healthy habits also shape how we look and feel. Help your child admire her features and understand that she's always changing.

4) Let Her Know Change Are Normal
Ages 9 to 12: Each body changes and develops at its own unique pace. Girls tend to start puberty at around ages 8 to 14, while boys go through puberty around ages 12 to 16. Reassure your child that bodily changes are a natural part of growing up.

5) Tell Her To Embrace Her Own Beauty
Ages 9 to 12: What people consider beautiful changes over time and across cultures, so most people do not fit the media's image of beauty. It's a good thing the media's image doesn't matter! Encourage your child to love her own beauty, inside and out.

6) Let Her Know Appearance Doesn't Affect Ability
Ages 12 to 15: If your teen worries about the development of her body, reassure her that physical qualities don't reflect her level of health. Also, teach your child that people with physical disabilities have the same thoughts, feelings and needs as people without disabilities.

7) Clue Her In On The Secret of Attraction
Ages 15 to 18: Teach your child that appearances aren't the sole basis for attracting a partner. Personality, interests and talents are important factors when considering whether a person is a good match...and confidence is the most attractive quality of all!




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10 Clues You Are A Tiger Mom

1) Your Mantra Is Only Perfection
If your child comes home with a B on his test, are you thrilled that she gave it her best? Or are you only focused on the fact that her grade wasn't flawless? Tiger moms don't settle for anything less than perfection. Whether it's performance in school, on the soccer field or in a musical recital, children are expected to give it all or go home.

2) Friends Take A Backseat To Work
Social situations aren't the strong point of a tiger parent. Instead, it's all about work, work, work. Slumber parties, play dates and hanging out with friends after school always take a backseat to homework and practice—no exceptions.

3) You Use Dicey Discipline
Nothing is off-limits in the pursuit of perfection. It's a bit extreme, but tiger parents justify their means by attributing them to the eventual success of the children, like, if you kid hadn't mastered a challenging piece
he stayed glued to the task for hours, forgoing food, water and bathroom breaks to get the job done.

4) You Reject All Things Childish
Who cares if your kid colored that picture from the heart? He went outside the lines! A more permissive parent would see the effort as touching, but tiger parents scoff at anything indicative of immaturity. Some hardcore parents have been known to toss homemade birthday cards and demand better ones.

5) You Threaten More Than Ask
There's no democracy in this den: Instead of asking children to get their homework done, help with chores or practice piano, tiger parents go right for threats instead. These intense parents are so afraid of failure that they have to resort to negative consequences to get the job done. It sets kids up for a worst-case-scenario mindset, rather than participating out of actual desire.

6) The Schedule Trumps All
Being on a schedule helps you (and your child) feel in control and limits speed bumps throughout the day. But when your set-in-stone schedule trumps everything else in your kid's life—including friends, food, sleep and just about anything enjoyable—this inflexibility can lead to a seriously unbalanced lifestyle.

7) Leisure Time? What's That?
When other kids are playing the occasional video game, checking out cartoons or riding bikes, your little one has his nose to the grindstone 24/7. Instead of having time to be a kid and enjoy his childhood, he's treated like an adult from the womb.

8) Your Make Your Child Study To Get Into Kindergarten
Real tiger parents believe that success starts so early in life that studying, working and achievement begins before a child is even in school. If a kid isn't getting straight A's in colors, the alphabet and writing her name, it's seen as a failure, no matter the age.

9) No Complaining - Ever!
Whiny kids are the worst, but tiger mamas take it to a whole new level. While a child complaining about lima beans can grate on any mom's nerves, a true tiger parent doesn't allow any form of complaining, be it second-guessing or a well-placed whine. These parents believe their kids need to learn to adapt to just about anything. It's a good lesson when given in moderation ... but even kids need to vent every now and again.

10 ) You Choose What's Important
You've always wanted your child to be a star violinist, so you make her take violin lessons ad nauseam. But if she's really a jock at heart, forcing her into music doesn't take her personality or preferences into consideration. Of course, a tiger mom assumes that what's important to her will naturally be important to her child; even when that may not be the case.


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Life Lessons Kids Can Teach Us

Kids live by their instincts openly and without hesitation.  They are enthusiastic about life, eager to learn, and curious about everything.  Even though kids still have a lot to learn, just observing them can teach us many practical life lessons.  These lessons are simple, yet pertinent to living a healthy, happy and productive life.  Spend an afternoon watching a group of kids interact with each other and the world around them.  You may be surprised at how clever they are.  They handle themselves differently than adults, and there is much we can learn from their behavior.

Here are 20 practical life lessons kids can teach us:

1. Live Spontaneously – For better or worse, kids do not plan a thing they do.  They live spontaneously, taking in every uncertain moment for all it’s worth.  It would be foolish to say that proper time management and planning is unnecessary in adulthood.  However, it would also be foolish to ignore all the opportunities that spontaneously present themselves at unplanned instants throughout our lifetime.  Occasionally you have to steer off course when you see gold shimmering in your periphery.
2. Never Let a Lack of Qualifications Deter You – Kids are never concerned with their lack of qualifications.  If they have never done something before, they are eager to test the waters.  If they fail, they brush themselves off and take another stab at it until they get it right.  Qualifications are usually just man-made restrictions proposed to keep passionate newcomers with grand ideas relegated to the margins.
3. Exercise Can Be Fun – Kids exercise all the time, not because it’s healthy, but because it’s fun.  They participate in sports, climb trees, play tag, etc.  For some reason we forget that exercise can be fun.  It’s just a matter of finding an active, healthy activity we actually enjoy doing.
4. When Things Go Awry, Laugh and Move On – When kids are dealt an unexpected hand they usually chuckle and work around the issue.  There are some things in life we just can’t anticipate.  Even with a great deal of planning, it’s very possible that life will throw us a curve ball.  We need to greet life’s curve balls with a sense of good humor and proactive fascination.
5. Keep an Open Mind – A child’s mind is wide open to all the world has to offer.  Kids make most of their judgments strictly based on first hand experience.  Few external influences have been present in their lives long enough to poison their judgment, and they are always ready to try something new.  As we hit adulthood we become creatures of habit, comfortable in the familiarity of our surroundings.  We shy away from anything with an unfamiliar taste.  In doing so, we walk away from numerous opportunities and positive experiences.
6. Other People May Identify Our Abilities First – Kids are not typically proficient at identifying their talents and abilities.  A parent or mentor usually notices a child’s abilities and steers the child in the right direction.  Adults too can be unconscious of their natural gifts.  When something comes naturally to us we tend to overlook its significance.  Our friends, family, peers and superiors may be able to clearly recognize our inherent talents and abilities before we do.
7. Mistakes Can Open Doors to Exciting Opportunities – Unlike adults, kids do not beat themselves up when they make a stupid mistake.  Instead, they examine the details of the outcome though curious eyes.  Mistakes are often gateways to new experiences and educational growth.  They may also expose voids in products and services that could lead to lucrative business opportunities.
8. Use Your Imagination – Kids can have hours of fun with nothing more than a wooden stick and their imagination.  They harness their imagination to discover new things about both themselves and the world around them.  It is our imagination that drives both our dreams and our curiosity to chase them.  If we lose sight of our imagination, we will never see our dreams through to fruition.
9. Improvise Along the Way – Kids are rarely mired by hesitation or fear.  They usually dive head first into every situation, leaping over hurdles and improvising their approach when they must.  Sometimes we over-analyze our next move and hesitate in fear they we may not get it right.  Truthfully, the chances are slim of ever getting it 100% right the first time.  It’s usually more practical to plan your general course of action, get some forward momentum, and map out the details as they come over the horizon.
10. Learn by Imitation – Kids observe the people around them with enthusiastic intensity.  They typically mimic the actions that work and ignore the ones that don’t.  As we grow older we tend to become less observant, instead relying solely on formal instruction for expanding our skill set.  We forget how well we learned when we were young by simply observing others.
11. Play – Playing comes naturally to kids because play time is fun time, and kids love to have fun.  As we get older we forget how great it feels to let loose and play around.  There doesn’t always have to be a purpose behind our actions.  Sometimes it’s healthy to fool around and engage in recreation for the sole purpose of having fun.
12. Be Creative and Do it Your Way – As stated earlier, kids dive head first into most everything they do.  They don’t always stop to ask for guidance, but instead figure it out for themselves along the way.  This can lead them to uncover innovative, improved methods for accomplishing things.  If you have a creative idea about how to accomplish something faster, smarter or better than the current method, do it your way and see what happens.  You’ll never know unless you try.
13. Express Your Feelings – Kids wear their feelings all over their face, visible for all to see.  You never have to guess as to whether they are happy, sad, angry or indifferent.  You know the answer immediately just by looking at them.  Adults, on the other hand, conceal their feelings from others, making it much more difficult to read their reaction and determine how they feel.  Openly expressing your feelings makes communication easier and maintains sincerity in your life.
14. Be Fully Aware of Your Surroundings – The immediate surroundings are a kid’s playground.  They explore every facet of their environment down to the finest detail.  In doing so they find things an adult would never have seen.  You must be fully aware of what’s going on around you in order to take action accurately.  Keen awareness is the key to resolving complex problems and innovating new designs.
15. Start Everyday with Enthusiasm – Kids hit the ground running every morning with sheer enthusiasm.  They don’t resist the idea of starting a new day.  They are excited to be alive and absolutely pumped-up for the new experiences that lie ahead.  Life is much more rewarding and enjoyable when you quit resisting it.  No day will ever be exactly like today.  Don’t waste it.
16. Ask Lots of Questions – Why…?  How…?  Are we there yet?  When kids are not involved in an activity, they are asking an endless series of questions.  Not every question will get an answer, but many will, and this is probably the second best source learning outside of firsthand experience.  We should never refrain from asking questions.  You’ll never get an answer to a question you never ask.
17. Be Honest and Call It Like It Is – As stated earlier, kids don’t hide their feelings, they are honest to a fall.  They call every shot just like they see it, the moment it happens.  Open honesty in conjunction with clear communication builds strong character and healthy relationships with others.  People will listen to you if they trust that you are speaking honestly.
18. Pursue Your Curiosity – Kids are driven by curiosity, constantly in pursuit of the unknown.  Curiosity guides their education and influences their path forward.  Following our curiosity expands our horizons and often leads us to brilliant personal discoveries.
19. Enjoy Life’s Simple Pleasures – Kids don’t need a bunch of best selling toys in order to enjoy themselves.  Put a kid in a puddle and watch him cheerfully splash around.  Give a kid permission to chase the cat around the house for a couple minutes, the giggles will be contagious.  Or just tickle a kid until he is beet red from laughter.  All of these are simple pleasures that children love to partake in.  It should serve as a reminder that some of the best things in life are free.
20. Nurture and Value Your Relationships – There are few things kids love more than hanging out with their friends.  If it were up to them, they would never leave their friends’ side.  Kids admire, respect, and trust their friends unconditionally.  They look forward to their arrival and miss them when they’re gone.  Healthy personal relationships are one of the keys to happiness.  Sure, life gets busier as we get older, but we should never let our busy schedules keep us from the people we care about most.

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Five Things Parents Should Never Do On Facebook

Like discussing the birds and the bees or explaining the infield fly rule, having the ‘Facebook Talk’ is now one of parenting’s essential rites of passage. Your kids need to know the rules of the social media road and, more importantly, you need to know the rules – what you are and aren’t allowed to do in front of their 900 million closest friends. These rules will vary depending on your kids’ ages and personalities, so you’ll probably need to have this talk at least once a year. But here are five things you definitely should not do.

1) Forbid Your Kids From Joining Facebook
Maybe you think Facebook is a bad idea, and maybe your progeny are among the 0.3% who actually do what their parents tell them. But if your kids want to be on Facebook, they’re going to be on Facebook – if not from home then from their phones, their friend’s computers, PCs at the school or library, and so on. It’s just too easy to do and too hard to police. It’s much better if they do it on your watch.

2) Embarrass Your Kids
Embarrassing your kids in public is one of the great perks of parenting. But do it on Facebook and they will defriend you faster than you can say “Mark Zuckerberg is a knob.” For example, your kids first joined Facebook (like many kids, well before before the official minimum age of 13) they may constantly send you  game invites. Now that they are teenagers, they really rather pretend you don’t exist. God help you if you post anything to their Wall or comment on anything they post. In short: you can lurk, but you can’t Like.

3) Make Their Friends Your Friends
You want to be friends with your kids on Facebook, if for no other reason than to keep an eye on them. But sending friend requests to your children’s friends, regardless of your motives, is just creepy. If they reach out and friend you, though, it’s OK to say yes. Just don’t start posting stuff on their Walls.

4) Bring The Hammer Down
Admonishing your kids on Facebook is a really bad idea. You may scold your kids when they post nasty status updates which you may have heard from someone. It took years before they are willing to re-friend you after that. What you should have done was talk to them offline and convince them to tone it down – or at least make it clear what they were quoting.

5) Forget That Facebook is a Gateway Drug
Managing your kids on Facebook is relatively easy. They can’t really post nasty photos or get too out of hand without someone noticing. It’s a good place for you to teach appropriate online behavior and for them to practice it. The rest of the Internet though, not so much. Once they graduate to Tumblr, where there are no restrictions on content and no one but their friends and stalkers are watching, all bets are off. So get to them now, while they’re still young and relatively impressionable.



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How To Raise A Happy Child

In addition to the obvious things such as making sure your child is consuming the right nutrients, staying hydrated, and getting the quantity of sleep and exercise a growing body needs, here are 7 secrets that can help you raise a happy child.

1. Let your child know you are excited to see them when they enter the room. Let them see the light dance inside your eyes when their gaze drifts into yours. Be mindful of their presence by showing them your smile and greeting them warmly. Say their name out loud. Not only do children love to hear the sound of their name, they also long to feel validation from their loved ones. Think about it from an adult perspective – wouldn’t you love it if the face of the person you loved most lit like a holiday parade every time you entered the room? Your child loves you the most, imagine the returns after a childhood filled with such affection.

2. Teach your child it’s okay to be bored. As parents, it’s often our instinct to entertain our children each and every waking hour. When we don’t possess the time or energy, it is all too easy to allow the glowing blue babysitter in the living room to do the heavy lifting. But when we rely on television, or any other form of autopilot attention, we succeed only in limiting our child’s development. Children have vivid imaginations that flourish upon nurturing. But without the opportunity to coax their creativity, it will only whither on the vine. Allow your child idle minutes to develop their creativity with hands-on activities to stimulate their thought. A few sheets of paper and a box of crayons can keep a well rounded child busy for far longer than a cartoon movie.
 
3. Limit your child’s media. Related, but not limited to number two. Limiting your child’s exposure to media isn’t only a positive move for promoting their creativity, it is an excellent method to broaden their attention span while grooming their ability to stay calm. Your child will have plenty of exposure to more than you want soon enough. During those precious years when you are the designer of their decisions, you must make sure they are learning to live a life independent from the over-exposure that is often too easy to rely on. Yes it is difficult, but we owe it to the next generation to search for the right road rather than the easy one.

4. Let your child know they are more important than work by giving them eye contact and attention. Your child doesn’t just need you around, they need you present. Play with your child, interact with them, find out what is important to them by asking questions and listening to their answers. Your child deserves at least a little bit of you each and every day, at least a few minutes where you are not considering your email or allowing your thoughts to wander over what’s been left sitting on your desk. Letting your child know they are important is like giving them an insulin shot of happy.

5. Let your child make a few of the rules. You don’t have to make them the boss to let them feel empowered. Often, power struggles with our children are the direct result of them feeling a loss of control. You can easily curb these instances by allowing your child to feel like they are part of making up some of the protocol. By at least appearing to give your child some of the control, you are helping them understand household law inside and out. This will lead directly to a willingness to follow.

6. Teach your child – don’t assume it’s all happening outside the house. Home schooling is every parent’s job. Whether your child attends public or private school, or receives all their schooling at home, it is essential to the world’s best future that parents are the ones to fill in the blanks. There are plenty of skills not taught in school that play a massive role in determining who your children will grow up to be. Children are not raised in tupperware, and when they finally leave us to enter the world far away from our watchful eyes, they must have the sharpened tools that will help them be the best that they can be.

7. Model appropriate behavior. This is the most important item on the list. Children do as they see, not as they’re told. If you want your child to be mindful of others, you must be mindful of others yourself. If you want your child to by happy, you must smile without hesitation. There is no one more influential to your child than you. At least for now.

Raising a happy child is hard work, but it is something that can and must be done.  Once you focus on the needs of your child and ensure you are doing all you can to meet them, your efforts will be rewarded. You will have a healthy and happy child, fortunate to have been raised in a family where childhood wasn’t permitted to simply fade away.