Myths About Bullies and Victims

Myth #1: Bullies Have No Friends
Fact: Bullies are often quite popular among their classmates. Many classmates admire their toughness and may even try to imitate them.

Myth #2: Bullies Have Low Self-Esteem
Fact: Bullies often have inflated self-views, and that high self-esteem can sometimes encourage bullies to rationalize their antisocial actions.

Myth #3: Being a Victim (and Fighting Back) Builds Character
Fact: Children who are passive and socially withdrawn are at heightened risk of getting bullied. These children then become even more withdrawn after incidents of harassment.

Myth #4: Childhood Victims Become Violent as Teens
Fact: Most victims of bullying are more likely to suffer in silence than to retaliate. Victims often have psychological problems such as depression and low self-esteem, which may make them turn inward rather than outward.

Myth #5: Victims are Introvert
Fact: Although certain personality traits indeed place children at higher risk for being bullied, there are also a host of situational factors (e.g., being a new student in school) and social factors (e.g., not having a friend) that increase the likelihood that a child will be bullied. These situational factors explain why there are more temporary than chronic victims of bullying.

Myth #6: Bullying Involves Only Perpetrators and Victim
Fact: Bullying incidents involve more than just the bully and victim. There are bystanders, those who help the bully, and those who defend the victim.

Recommended reading: Stand Up for Yourself and Your Friends




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Life Lessons for A Teenage Son

My Advice
Son be you, live by a strong set of core values, enjoy a life of significance, know that life is not a race, be mindful that not everyone will like you, be strong and be open to setbacks and also learn the meaning of love.

Be You
Son I like the young man that you’re becoming and I promise that every person in the world is already taken. While some are comfortable living or copying the lives of others, I see that you’re doing a remarkable job being yourself. With so much life ahead of you there will be lots of influence.  The brave new world will try to tell you what you should be, how to do it, and what to become, be you.  You don’t have to be the cool guy, or a part of the in-crowd.  If people are not accepting you for who you are it’s their lost for not meeting someone so authentic and true.  Be you and you will attract people who hold the same values as you.
Read How To Succeed at Being Yourself

Live By A Strong Set Of Core Values
No one knows everything and no one ever will. Keep a strong set of core values and work to never compromise them.  Son, life has a way with teaching many lessons, from disappointment, grief, struggle, to honesty, integrity, and respect. Life will have you looking for the hard answers, look to your core values they will help make many of those on the spot decisions merely by what you believe and what you stand for. Having defined your personal core values will build strong character and cultivate a better man in you. Throughout the years you’ll end up with a number of core values just make sure you protect your top five that are most important to you and honor them.

A Life Of Significance
Do something!  It doesn’t matter what it is. Just be passionate about doing something for your community, your country, your life, a friend or a perfect stranger. Go places to see different cultures and meet regularly with people who are different than you. Reach out to life by being active and be a volunteer where it’s needed. Life is about what we do for others.  Follow it and everything else will fall into place.

Life Is Not A Race
Live life one day at a time don’t rush it, celebrate the small victories in life and keep moving forward. Fancy cars, fine homes, and the nice girls are all seasonal. Life is also not a competition, how fast can you do this or how fast can you do that?  Take your time, run at a steady pace, work your plan, and all seasonal things will compliment your life in due time. Remember that each step you take in life to give your personal best. 

Not Everyone Will Like You
Everyone comes with some type of baggage whether it’s emotional or family related, understand you cannot change them. Be nice, they probably won’t like you and if that’s the case learn to handle these situations. You may not be liked for the way you talk, walk, the way you dress, how well you perform in or out of school.  However many reasons there are don’t let their hang ups become yours. Make it a habit not to carry any of those emotions to bed with you. There is a saying “when people show you who they are believe them”. So if you see those who are being mean know how to treat or how not to treat them.

Be Strong
Son, my definition of a man’s strength when I was a pre-teen like you, it was about how much weight I could lift and today I smile when I look back in time. Being strong for a man means a number of things and of course your physical strength is important. However internal strength such as will power, resiliency, confidence, and what you believe is truly were the real strength comes from. Grow thicker skin so when harsh words are hurled your way there only words. Being strong means when you feel that it’s almost time to quit you don’t; you dig deep and fight your way to the end.

Set Backs
Life is one big crazy rodeo things can be going so well one day and other days you’ll find yourself being knocked to the ground. I say to you get up, dust yourself off and look for no one’s pity. Get back on and ride life like you’ve never rode it before. Your ability to bounce back from setbacks will keep you moving forward with your life’s journey. No time to sit and shoulda, coulda, woulda, the best time to get back on top is when you’ve been knocked down.

Love
Keep your eyes open and love hard. Make no restrictions with your love and use the word love only when you truly mean it. Be not afraid of who you give your heart but know whose deserving and who is not.


Son you’re an amazing young man and remember it’s not about what you do; it’s about what you believe and what you will fight for.



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Life Lessons for A Teeange Daughter

1. Listen to the sound of your own voice.
2. You won’t always get what you want but never settle for less than you deserve.
3. Two telephone numbers you should keep in your cell phone, your father's cell number and his work
    number.
4. Make up your own mind so no one should tell you what to be.
5. Don’t just be different. Dream BIG and give it 100%.
6. A man who respects your mind and body is a guy worth dating.
7. Find your life’s passion now. Find a charity and donate to it.
8. Use a condom. Enough said!
9. Make positive choices.
10. Turn off the lights and shut off the water when you’re not using either.
11. Be a good listener and pay attention to the details.
12. Ask yourself from time to time what’s your Life plan?
13. Take the easy way out. Never!
14. Lend money to no one if they need it give it as a gift.  If you don’t have it to give then you don’t have it.
15. Being smart and pretty is not enough. Develop your character.
16. Say thank you when someone pays you a compliment.
17. Less is more.
18. If a guy asks you out on a date he should pick up the bill, if it’s your idea return the favor, if you’re with a gentleman rules need not apply.
19. Fall down, cry, make mistakes and when its all over get back up.
20. It’s not your job to change anyone so don’t make it your profession.
21. Believe that all things are possible even when the odds are against you.
22. Peer pressure is adopting values you don’t believe in.
23. You don’t have to be a chef but learn to cook a couple of good meals.
24. Be careful not to fall in love with the idea of love.
25. The grass is not always greener on the other side so focus on making grass greener from where you stand.
26. Friends come and go those who stay remember them.
27. Most people don’t discover what they want until its too late.
28. Let go of trying to be perfect because it’s impossible.
29. Make a decision and follow through.
30. Be honest!  You’re traveling a dangerous road when you start to lie to yourself.
31. If you can’t think go for a walk.



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7 Ways To Unplug Your Kids From Technology

While interaction with online educational games and apps can be a learning experience for our kids, the percentage of young children who are trading in picture books for LED screens has crept up to astonishing levels. A recent report found that over one-third (38 percent) of 0- to 8-year-olds studied had used a smart phone, mp3 player, video iPod, iPad or a similar tablet—and 11 percent of children used these technological trinkets on a daily basis.

Despite strong competition from gadgets, TV still reigns supreme, with a whopping 44 percent of kids under age 8 having tubes in their bedrooms. All of the children surveyed watch an average of 1 hour 40 minutes of television or DVDs per day, compared to 29 minutes reading or being read to—despite doctor warnings against too much screen time.

So how do we make sure our little ones will grow up to be well-rounded adults, and not over-stimulated zombies? Here are some things you can do to make sure your child gets the down time she needs in today's wired world.

• Make crafts a part of every week. Crafts may seem like fluffy stuff, but cutting paper, crumpling tissue paper, and drawing all build the hand muscles kids will need for writing. While it may not be possible to squeeze a craft project into each an every day, commit to doing crafts at least 3 times a week with your child.
• Limit screen time. Setting family boundaries for TV, movies, computers, smart phones and tablets frees up precious time for family bonding. Detaching yourself from your iPhone may be difficult, but it will show your kids that mom and dad benefit from a tech break too—and are willing to practice what they preach.
• Grab a story and snuggle. Reading, either aloud to your child or along with her, opens her eyes to people, places, animals and ideas beyond the world of Spongebob Squarepants. Even if your preschooler isn't able to sound out words yet, hearing you read a variety of genres can broaden her vocabulary and foster a lifelong love of books.
• Take a time-out in nature. Unstructured play time is being threatened at school with the elimination of recess, which makes getting your kids off the couch and into the backyard more important than ever. Being outside allows children to relax, work out daily stresses and get in touch with their other senses—touch, smell and taste—that are slighted by TV and computers.
• Invest in open-ended toys. Television, DVDs and video games rob children of uninhibited pretend play by laying out a fast-paced adventure for them to follow. Rekindle their imagination with simple blocks, stuffed animals, colorful scarves, and unbranded dolls they can use to dream up their own world.
• Plan a tech-free family day. Schedule a day at the park, beach, aquarium or botanical gardens for the family, and leave the gadgets at home. Without the distractions of a smart phone, you will be able to give your children—and the experience—the undivided attention they deserve.
• Cook a meal with your tiny sous chef. Cooking skills may seem out-of-reach for your youngster, but participation in the kitchen is beneficial in a number of ways, even for toddlers. Stirring, measuring ingredients, and cracking eggs are safe ways to introduce the concepts of heal thy eating habits, teamwork and basic math. Plus, picky eaters are much more likely to try dishes they've had a hand in creating!

It's impossible to shield your young child from technology on a day-to-day basis, but it's important to make an effort to show her life outside of life's small screens. Encouraging time away from the virtual world helps to keep your child relaxed, curious and focused on the things that really matter.



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5 Tips On How To Raise A Creative Child

If you are keen on creativity and innovation, you surely want your children to be creative as well. If so, the sooner you act, the better. Research is demonstrating that children rapidly lose their creative thinking skills as they grow older. Moreover, by the time a child reaches adolescence, the way she thinks is largely fixed. So the more you encourage your children to use more of their minds in order to think more creatively, the more likely you are to raise exceptionally creative children.   

Here are five suggestions for encouraging and maintaining creativity in your children:

1) Answer questions with questions 
Children ask lots of questions. As parents, we tend to give them direct answers. “What does ‘invertebrate’ mean?” a child might ask while watching a television documentary. A typical parent response is: “It means an animal that does not have a backbone.” There is nothing wrong with such an answer. It is correct. It provides your child with the information she seeks. But, why not ask: “What do you think ‘invertebrate’ means?” Your child has just watched a documentary about animals and has a lot of context in her mind. Very likely she can put that context together and hazard a good guess. Indeed, she has possibly done this already and is simply seeking confirmation. 

If her answer is correct, reward her and ask her how why she felt it was the correct answer. If her answer is wrong, reward her and ask her why she thought this was the answer. Then, reward her thinking and explain the correct answer. If you are not sure about the correct answer, see the next suggestion. Encouraging your child to gather information and make deductions based on that information is a form of creative problem solving. Make it a habit! 

2) Find Answers Together
 As your children grow older, they will increasingly often ask questions that you cannot answer. As a parent, you may occasionally feel the need to cover up your ignorance. After all, your children look to you as the ultimate source of knowledge. At other times one of your children will ask a question in which you believe you know the correct answer, but are not sure. 


Rather than hazard  a guess at the answer, a better response is, “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure. I believe the answer is…” and then add, “Let’s find out the correct answer.” Then do some research with your child in order to find that answer. That research may be a simple matter of searching on the web. But do not neglect other possibilities. Perhaps you have a book on the subject. Fetch it and look it up. Your child might be interested in reading the book. Go to the library. Before the age of the web and Google, libraries were the best information resource available. They are still wonderful places of reference with the added benefit that you often find interesting information that you were not seeking.


3) Reward Failure
We all talk about the importance of accepting and rewarding failure in business. Yet all too many parents punish failure directly or indirectly. Your son enters a swimming competition and comes in last. How do you respond? “Maybe swimming isn’t for you?” “I told you that you had to practice more!”. Even a caring parent is likely to say something dismissive “It doesn’t matter. I love you the way you are.”  

Sadly, all of these responses are likely to discourage your son from ever entering a swimming competition again. Worse, they might discourage him from trying other things in which he is unsure of his capability. A far better response is, “I am so proud of you for entering the swimming competition and trying so hard.” And if your son feels badly, do not immediately tell him it doesn’t matter. Instead ask him, “why do you think you came in last?” This gives him and you a chance to analyse the problem so he can do better next time. Maybe he became too nervous and wasn’t breathing correctly. That’s great! Now you can talk about how he can deal with nervousness and breathing next time. 

4) Teach Cooking
Cooking and especially baking, is an incredible creative process. Think about a cake. You start with flour, eggs, sugar and a handful of other ingredients. Mix them and bake them and you have a wonderful cake. Once your kids learn the basics of baking a cook, making cookies or frying an omelet, let them experiment. And do not correct them beforehand unless they are endangering themselves, others or your kitchen. If they want to put twice as much chocolate in the cake, let them. If they want to see what happens if they use a brown sugar instead of white sugar, let them. Chances are, they will not ruin the cake. But by experimenting and seeing what happens, they learn a valuable creative process. Moreover, when things go wrong, they can often be fixed. The cake is too dry? Make a moist frosting. This is creative problem solving at its best! 


5) Feed Your Child A Healthy, Balanced Diet
A healthy mind and body feel better, deliver more energy and think better. Moreover, if you get your children in the habit of eating healthy food from an early age, it will form a life-long habit. They will be far less likely to have weight problems or health problems as they grow older. They will look better, have more energy and smell better. And most importantly, in the context of creativity, they will think better. 

The amazing thing is,eating a healthy diet is remarkably easy. It is a simple matter of getting a suitable balance of the key food groups while minimizing the amount of sugary and fatty foods you eat. In addition to eating a balanced diet, allow kids to stop eating when they are full and restrict the amount of sweets and non-healthy snacks they can eat (though let them eat healthy snacks, such as fruit, when they are hungry between meals). Forcing children to eat all the food on their plates and rewarding them with a huge dessert if they do so only encourages overeating. 


 
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Ways To Enhance Your Child Emotional Development

Most educators agree that children's emotional well-being contributes greatly to their social and intellectual development. However, adults have traditionally denied children's feelings by saying things such as, "You shouldn't feel that way!" or "You'll be fine. Forget it." Negating children's strong emotions can result in fearfulness, confusion, shame and resentment, which can interfere with their learning. When negative emotions are suppressed, they usually resurface and cause problems. Children who are taught to identify, express, and cope positively with their feelings develop useful life skills.

Human beings experience a variety of emotions that cannot be categorized as right or wrong. What is important is how children handle their feelings. Children learn by observing the significant others in their lives. Adults who honestly express their feelings in constructive ways foster children's emotional growth. When educators model self-understanding and emotional maturity, their students are more likely to do the same.

How else can you enhance a child's emotional development?

1. Help the children gain an understanding of their feelings through the use of books, board games, puppets, interactive storytelling or role-plays.
   
   
2. Teach children to identify and verbalize their feelings, as well as to read the emotional signals from other children and adults.
   
   
3. Watch a child's facial expressions, posture, play or art work for signs that a child is experiencing a strong negative emotion. Then offer constructive ways to defuse it, such as painting, dialogue or taking a "time out."
   
   
4. Accept emotional responses as legitimate, even if you don't like the behavior the feeling produces. For example, when a child hits, the feeling of anger is demonstrated. Stop the child and say, "It's okay to feel angry; it's not okay to hurt others. Talk to me about what your feeling."
   
   
5. Communicate understanding and empathy by reflecting the observed emotion. For example, say, "You seem sad" or "You seem upset." Then, if the child confirms your reflection and begins talking, be quiet and listen.
   
   
6. Observe the child's nonverbal behavior for clues as to how he or she is feeling. Listen for the content of what is being said, as well.
   
   
7. Avoid negative statements like, "Can't you do anything right?" or "What's your problem?" These comments discourage open communication and suggest that when a child does not behave perfectly, he or she is "bad."
   
   
8. Avoid moralizing ("That was wrong of you!"); humiliating ("I can't believe you did that."); lecturing ("You should have known better."); denying ("You'll be okay."); pitying, ("Poor you. It's all their fault."); and rescuing, ("I'll take care of it."). Instead, listen patiently and nod your head appropriately. Remember that questions can often lead the child away from the real problem or cause the child to stop talking.
   
   
9. Problem solve with the child by encouraging him or her to think of options and decide what constructive action to take. Read: Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings
   
   
10. Keep lines of communication open. You might say something like: " I am glad you told me about your friend's illness. It must be hard to have her in the hospital. Please know that I care about it and that I am here if you want to talk again." 

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How To Teach Your Child To Apologize

Apologizing helps your child accept responsibility for a wrong and provides a tool to make things right again. It helps the child dig himself out of a hole. It clears the air, helps heal the relationship, and gives it a new beginning. To teach your child -- and yourself -- the art of apologizing, try these tips:

1. Model apologizing

When you've acted wrongly, admit it. Apologize when you overreact: "I'm sorry I yelled at you. You didn't deserve that outburst. I've had a hard day." Everyone makes mistakes; that's life. Everyone apologizes; that makes life better. These are valuable lessons for a child to learn. Saying "sorry" to your child is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. Even "the boss" should apologize if his or her actions are unkind. A child who has never been apologized to won't understand the apology process, and more than likely he'll refuse, turning a potentially beneficial moment into a standoff with hurt feelings.

2. Start young

Toddlers quickly learn to give a hug to "make it better" when they hurt someone. If you model hugs for hurts at home, he'll know just what to do. Once he's calm and ready to hug, you can verbalize a simple apology and maybe help him say it with a hug.

3. Forgiveness follows apologies

Apologizing and forgiving need to happen after someone gets hurt or offended. For most everyday squabbles we tell our kids that we want them to "make peace" with whomever they are at odds with. It doesn't need to be a formal apology scene. We leave it up to them to figure out what "make peace" means and how to do it. Sometimes they use words, sometimes they don't. But we all know if they have or haven't. In order to live in the same house together, siblings need to be at peace with one another. Apology without forgiveness is an incomplete process. For real healing to happen the one offended needs to "drop the charges" by saying "that's okay" or "I forgive you."

4. Say "excuse me"

Children belch, gulp, and fart – excuse me, pass gas. Boys especially delight in showing off their body sounds. If one unintentional belch gets laughter, you can imagine what will follow. But if these sounds meet with silence or mild disapproval from you, they will soon fizzle away. Teach children that, in company, breathing sounds (that is sneezing and coughing) are okay but digestive tract sounds are rude. When your child emits upper digestive tract sounds in your presence, look disapprovingly, and say "excuse me." Require the older child to excuse himself. Passing gas is especially offending because of the odor accompanying the sound. As your child gets older he will learn he can control this function most of the time and do it in private. If passing gas becomes a habit, the offender will quickly be taught by peer disgust to keep it to himself. As kids mature a bit their gut sounds diminish; these offenses will soon be sounds of the past.

5. Stop manipulating feelings and orchestrate sincerity

Some children learn to parrot an "excuse me" or "I'm sorry" within a millisecond of the offense to avoid being "squealed on" or to get themselves off the hook quickly if parents force apologies. Parents can't force feelings. Only the child knows how he feels. Forcing feelings can teach your child to fake apologies, that it's okay to be insincere, or that forgiveness has to be an instant thing which is not real life. Depending on the ages of the children, their temperaments, the circumstances, and the emotions that may be flaring, a cooling-off period before an apology will be needed. A two-year-old who just kicked his sister may need a two-minute time-out on a chair, along with a reminder that kicking hurts, before he's ready to hug her. A ten-year-old who slaps her sister for vicious teasing must deal with wounded pride before she'll be able to remember how wrong it is to slap. It's your job as a parent to make sure the apology happens so both children can start again with good feelings between them. But, you cannot make it happen. What you can do is model and instruct: "When people are at peace with each other they feel better inside."





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How To Build Good Character In Your Child

1) Model Compassion
Compassion means identifying and sympathizing with others' emotions and needs. Help your child see what it means to be compassionate. Volunteer to help those in need. Open doors for others. If you see your child doing or saying something hurtful, ask him, "How do you think that made him feel? How would you feel if the situation were reversed?

2) Take A Walk in Another Person's Shoes
Empathy means to feel what others are experiencing. Understanding others' joy and suffering helps us care for them. Help your child understand what others are going through. As you read books and watch movies together, ask him what he thinks various characters are feeling and thinking.

3) Show Tolerance and Respect Differences
Tolerance allows us to understand and accept different cultures, beliefs and points of view. Be open to differences and teach your child to celebrate diversity. If your child comments on someone "dress[ing] funny," explain that people often wear clothes that reflect their culture or home country.

4) Be a Person of Your Word!
Honesty means telling the truth to others and ourselves. Owning up to our mistakes and admitting the truth can help others. Demonstrate honesty for your child by practicing it yourself. Discuss what honesty is and what honesty is not. Teach him that honesty should be practiced with kindness. Tell your child to avoid saying something mean even if he thinks it's the truth.

5) Promote Fairness and Equality
Fairness means equal treatment and opportunity. Standing up for others' rights and playing by the rules shows respect and responsibility. Talk to your child about how he thinks fairness is demonstrated in a family, with friends and in a community. Ask him, "Have you ever seen someone be treated unfairly? What did you do?"

6) Be Kind to Yourself and Others
Self-respect is earned by showing compassion, honesty, fairness and humility towards others and oneself. Boost your child's confidence by praising his good qualities. Ask him, "What does it mean to respect yourself? How do you show respect for yourself?"

7) Build Character by Being Responsible
Responsibility means taking ownership of one's behavior and actions. Help your child understand how he has control over his actions. Discuss examples of how his actions influence what happens next. Explain that growing up means taking responsibility by helping around the house and taking care of siblings.

8) Encourage Self Discipline
Self-discipline is practicing the control to create and follow through with a plan. This means developing the patience to deal with emotions in a healthy way and delay gratification (for instance, finishing up homework before playing outside). Help your child set and reach realistic goals: Break larger tasks into smaller parts, then encourage him to pick a task and set a deadline.

9) Encourage Good Judgement
Good judgment requires careful decision making. Remind your child to think about the consequences of his actions, reason through feelings and facts, and consider impulses before acting on them. Discuss difference scenarios with your child and brainstorm what the best course of action would be in each situation. ("If your friend asked to copy your homework, what would you do?")

10) Do Your Civic Duty
A responsible citizen cares for his community and actively works to help the greater good. Model good citizenship to your child by spending time in his classroom, volunteering with the elderly, donating items for those in need.



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