Don't Spoil Your Kids With Money. The Difference Between Rewards and Bribes.

Children are the center of most parents’ lives and there is nothing that a parent will not do to keep their child happy. This is where most modern parents walk the fine line between good and bad parenting. In olden days when people where not so driven by consumerism, it was easier for parents to reward their kids without spoiling them. Now, with so many ways that kids can entertain themselves and with so much peer pressure to buy a certain brand of clothing or shoes, parents find it difficult to control children and not over indulge them.

The first tip to good parenting is to know the difference between rewards and bribes. While the former is an acknowledgement of good behavior, excellent academic performance and such, the latter is give to cajole kids to behave in a certain way. Knowing the difference between these two and how to discipline your child will go a long way towards bringing up kids without spoiling them. Always remember loving them does not mean that you can never say ‘no’ to them.

Remember that you will be doing them a great disservice by spoiling them for they will grow up to be petulant and spoilt adults. Very often, it is money that is the way that parents spoil kids. They can say ‘Throw the garbage and I will give you $5” or ‘Get good grades and I will buy you a bike’ and make similar promises. Most kids are smart and when they find that they can bribe their parents in this way, they will never voluntarily help at home or study unless there is a monetary reward offered.

Parents will only set a dangerous precedent if they bribe kids from a young age for here are some ways that money as a reward can spoil kids:
• Will not appreciate the value of money
• Become self-absorbed
• Parents can never set or enforce rules
• Poor social behavior
• Become materialistic

A child spoilt by being offered bribes will never learn the value of hard work and money. He will think that throwing a tantrum will get him what he wants and demand money for even small tasks like making his own bed. Spoilt children will be self-centered and self-absorbed putting his own wants above those of his family. Even if the family is facing a financial crisis, he will never tone down his wants.

If a child receives money for every act then his entire life will be governed by extrinsic motivations like monetary rewards and not intrinsic motivations like pride in doing a task well. Parents will never be able to set or enforce rules for a child who is used to monetary rewards will never listen to a simple ‘no’ but make demands for obeying rules. Spoilt kids will have a lot of problems integrating in society for they will be demanding when dealing with friends or teachers.

They will act like brats and expect always to get their own way and give prime importance to material goods rather than to simple love and friendship. A parent’s role is to prepare a child to be a good citizen and they will be doing a great disservice to their kids and society at large by spoiling them with too much money. So, how can parents reward children and not spoil them? Start by setting clear rules and boundaries and explain to them what is expected.

Tell them that some chores need to be done as being part of a family and not with the idea of receiving a monetary reward. Recompense your child for good behavior in non-monetary ways like extra television time or a dinner at their favorite burger joint. Let them realize that praise and a hug or kiss is also a kind of reward. If you do want to offer a reward for good behavior or performing an extra difficult task, do not let your child bargain and offer the reward after the task is performed satisfactorily.

If your child has performed extremely well at school, then you may wish to give a bigger reward like buying a bicycle. You can get your child involved in the purchase by letting him contribute a small amount towards the purchase – e.g. buy the bell or a special basket to go on the bike. This will teach them not only the value of money, but that money need not always be the reward for hard work or good behavior.



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