Anyone raising a boy needs to remember the toddler years when the word "no" was frequently uttered by your toddler boy. It was a natural and even expected part of that developmental stage. The "no" you hear now might be louder or seem a bit angrier, but pushing the boundaries is as normal with your now-older son as it was when he first was toddling about.
Maybe you are thinking that your son is pushing too many limits. What do you do? Give him the freedom he needs to discover his personality. Otherwise, take a parent-as-coach approach with your son as he sails through some tough waters.
Here are a few things to keep in mind with your rebellious son:
1. Choose your battles.
Sometimes parents need a reminder. In your own mind, know what the real and absolute limits are for your son's behavior. If everything he does is wrong, soon he will know that you have no idea what are your true boundaries for him. Learn to pass on the trivial things. Hair length, clothing and music choices are among the items that you should pass on. His tastes will change as he grows older. In his own good time, he will most likely abandon things that are really foolish.
2. Interfere with life-threatening activities.
Keep a close eye on his activities and get involved when know he is engaged in life-threatening behavior. Shoplifting, prescription-drug abuse and improper use of an automobile are a few of the areas where you will need to intervene. You might be screamed at when you step in. Remember that yelling alone cannot hurt you and his biology makes him ready for a shouting match up if you give him one. A good rule about arguing is to remember that the louder your son becomes, the lower your vocal volume should go.
3. Is his behavior a veiled attempt to communicate?
In a boy whose brain is still forming, rebellious behavior may be a cover for another need. Is that annoyed, defiant boy in front of you using anger or lethargy to cover for his pain? Ask him if you any suspicious. Are his friends mistreating him? Is he struggling with a physical issue such as acne, depression or physical developmental delay? Ask the questions and wait for the answer, which may take days. If he knows you are open to non-judgmental discussion, he will most likely come around. Keep the door open and be sure he knows you are ready to listen and help.
4. Don't be concerned about the opinion of others.
As a parent, you need to do what is right for your children in your particular situation and circumstances. While you might seek the counsel of your own trusted mentors, the opinions of your extended family, in-laws, friends are really are not important. Do not sacrifice the mental health of your son by responding to what "they" think.
Likewise, if your son has moved from simple rebellion (that is, it just makes you uncomfortable) to life-threatening behavior, seek out professional help. You are not alone in your frustration with your son. Parents have struggled with the fun and frustration of raising a boy. Do not take his rebellion personally but consider this part of his life as a discovery journey.
Ping Blog
No comments:
Post a Comment