How to Let Go of Hyperparenting and Learn to Relax With Your Kids

If you’re a hyperparent, you might not even know it — we parents tend to be in denial about that sort of thing. But if you are, you might want to learn to relax — for your kids’ sake, and for yours.

Hyperparents are spotted when they are trying to educate their child from the womb, and expose them to the most intellectually stimulating music and art and literature before the kid can crawl. They obsess over everything, from whether the child is learning fast enough to how safe every single thing is to every little scrape and bruise. They are overprotective, overbearing, overwhelming to the child.

Here are some ideas to help you relax, help your child feel freer and less controlled and be more able to explore and learn on their own, and possibly result in a better relationship with your child and a happier child overall.

1. When you get angry, pick them up and hug them. Instead of scolding or spanking or time outs or other controlling methods, try love. It’s a much better response, and you’re teaching your child through your actions rather than your words.

2. Make this your mantra: treat them with kindness, treat them with respect. Seems simple, but it’s surprising how little respect we give to kids, because they’re kids.

3. Drop your expectations of the child. Often parents have high hopes of the child doing well academically, or in sports, or of becoming a professional, when that’s not what the child wants. Or the parent hopes the child will be a certain type of person, and tries to steer the child toward that — a mild, kind child, or a bright, cheerful child, or a studious, hard-working child — but that’s not who the child is. Drop these expectations, and celebrate the child, as he is.

4. Let them play, let them explore. Stop being so overprotective. Allow kids to be kids. Let them run around outside, ride a bike, explore nature, play with fire. Teach them, of course, about safety and dangers, but let them be kids.

5. Say yes, or some version of yes. Instead of saying no. Often parents have an instinct to say no. But this is controlling and stressful, to both child and parent. Stop trying to control the child, and give him some freedom. That doesn’t mean you can say yes all the time, because you have needs too, but it does mean you can say “Yes, we can do that … but perhaps later, when I’m done with what I have to do now.”

6. Stop trying to overeducate, and get out of the way. Parents try to impart all kinds of knowledge on kids. So do schools. But kids learn naturally, without us. Get out of the way, stop trying to force the kid to learn what you think he needs to learn. Encourage him to explore, and read, and figure stuff out. Get him excited about things. When he’s excited about something, he’ll learn. When you force it on him, he’ll do what he’s forced to do, but not learn much other than you’re controlling.
  
7. Just focus on making the next interaction with them positive. Many of these changes are difficult to make for parents, as we have deeply ingrained habits, stemming from our own childhood. So just focus on the next interaction. Just try to make the next one a good one. Don’t worry about when you screw up — just apologize if you’ve broken a trust, and move on.

8. Take a moment to pause, and see things from your child’s perspective. If you get angry, it’s because you’re only seeing things from your perspective. The child has a completely different view of things, and if you can understand that view, you won’t be mad at the child. You’ll try to make things better for him.
  
9. If the kid is “acting up”, try to figure out why, and meet that need. Often it’s a need for freedom, or attention, or love, or to be in control of his own life. Figure out what that need is, and find a more productive way to meet it.

10. The kid is already perfect as he is. You don’t need to change him. You don’t need to mold him into the perfect person. He’s already perfect, just as he is.

And now, relax. Enjoy every moment with your child, because they are too few, too impermanent. Cherish this time with them, and make every moment a good one. You’ll never regret those moments of happiness, those moments when you said yes, when you let your child play, when you stopped controlling and started loving.






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Parenting Styles. Facing New Challenges

Parenting today, is a lot different than parenting in the older times. Rules of bringing up children have seen a sea change in the past few decades. As the society is going through constant evolution, these changes in parenting are only obvious. It is important that a parent understands the world a child is exposed to. The biggest challenges of modern parenting styles is raising kids, who are independent in thought and are empowered to take the right decisions for themselves. This full-time job comes with a new set of roles and responsibilities, which questions you at every juncture, making the challenges tougher and tougher as the children get older.

 Challenges of Modern Parenting

Perfect Imbalance
With rising costs and skyrocketing inflation, earning money is the unavoidable truth of raising a family. Thus, with both the parents working round the clock the child gets neglected. This is the most common problem faced by parents today. To make up for this neglect, parents end up buying expensive gifts. Buying goodies is a temporary solution of the underlying problem of your own guilt. As both the child and parent gets used to this, the pattern continues for the rest of their lives. Sadly, the child never learns to earn anything, as most of the things he wanted were only a tantrum away. A parent's guilt and a child abusing the same, makes the perfect imbalance in modern parenting.

Moral Code
As the television and other modes of mass communication penetrated every household, it brought along a huge need for change in traditional parenting styles. Every parent tries to teach the child good values, so that they learn the distinction between morality and immorality at a very young age. However, when a child sees his favorite actor smoke, abuse and indulge in every activity that is termed as immoral with great enthusiasm, it does shake certain beliefs for both the child and the parent. Thus, the influx of media in day-to-day lives and the power of audio visual medium holds on a child's mind, makes the process of teaching them morals a big struggle for parents.

Quality Vs. Time
Time has always been a scarce resource. Especially with both the parents working, spending time with children gets very difficult. As both the parties are used to being away from each other, they rarely realize the importance of spending quality time with one another. Thus, in rare moments when they have time together, it's spent in silence or behind locked doors. Deteriorating quality of relationships due to lack of time, is the new age problem faced by modern parents. Sadly, with new age technologies such as cellphones, computers and Internet, chatting is the only form of conversations that one can have. Converting these virtual conversations into reality is another challenge faced by both, children and parents.

Rat Race
The modern world pressurizes children to be their best at whatever they are doing. If you aren't the best, you've lost out on life already. Take a moment here, and ask yourself what happened when you lost a school competition? Well, nothing really changed. In fact the failure taught you a new perspective of life. Slowing down and allowing your child to cope with extra curricular activities is the crucial part of normal development of a child. A pressure cooker situation worsens the situation at home between child and the parent. This may even make the child drift away from you and confide in people outside the house.

Masked Feelings
As many parents, live a stressful lifestyle, dictated by work pressure, spouse's death or divorce with the spouse, it gets difficult for them to handle their own emotional baggage. Under such circumstances, the child's emotional health gets neglected and is often ignored. As lack of communication widens the gap between parent and the child, it worsens relationships at home and makes a child build a secret world of friends and foes. Knowing your child's feelings is one of the toughest challenge of modern-day parenting.

As this generation is exposed to huge amounts of information, helping them assimilate it can be lead to a unique struggle between the parent and the child. Besides these, teaching kids value of money, or relationships and being a single parent poses a few more challenges in modern parenting styles. Parenting is a wonderful joy, if is dealt with an open mind to learn a few things from your kids too! Ping Blog

Secrets of Raising a Happy Child

Nature and nurture are in a never ending battle to claim the disposition of our children. There are a multitude of things we as parents can do to safeguard the childhoods of our children, limit their exposure to the more damaging elements the world will see fit to introduce in time, and do our best to raise a healthy and happy child.

In addition to the obvious things such as making sure your child is consuming the right nutrients, staying hydrated, and getting the quantity of sleep and exercise a growing body needs, here are some secrets that can help you raise a happy child.

- Let your child know you are excited to see them when they enter the room. Let them see the light dance inside your eyes when their gaze drifts into yours. Be mindful of their presence by showing them your smile and greeting them warmly. Say their name out loud. Not only do children love to hear the sound of their name, they also long to feel validation from their loved ones. Think about it from an adult perspective – wouldn’t you love it if the face of the person you loved most lit like a holiday parade every time you entered the room? Your child loves you the most, imagine the returns after a childhood filled with such affection.
  
- Teach your child it’s okay to be bored. As parents, it’s often our instinct to entertain our children each and every waking hour. When we rely on television, or any other form of autopilot attention, we succeed only in limiting our child’s development. Children have vivid imaginations that flourish upon nurturing. But without the opportunity to coax their creativity, it will only whither on the vine. Allow your child idle minutes to develop their creativity with hands-on activities to stimulate their thought. A few sheets of paper and a box of crayons can keep a well rounded child busy for far longer than an episode of a TV programme.

- Limit your child’s media. Limiting your child’s exposure to media isn’t only a positive move for promoting their creativity, it is an excellent method to broaden their attention span while grooming their ability to stay calm. Your child will have plenty of exposure to more than you want soon enough. During those precious years when you are the designer of their decisions, you must make sure they are learning to live a life independent from the over-exposure that is often too easy to rely on. Yes it is difficult, but we owe it to the next generation to search for the right road rather than the easy one.

- Let your child know they are more important than work.  Your child doesn’t just need you around, they need you present. Play with your child, interact with them, find out what is important to them by asking questions and listening to their answers. Your child deserves at least a little bit of you each and every day, at least a few minutes where you are not considering your email or allowing your thoughts to wander over what’s been left sitting on your desk. Letting your child know they are important is like giving them an insulin shot of happy.
  
- Let your child make a few of the rules. You don’t have to make them the boss to let them feel empowered. Often, power struggles with our children are the direct result of them feeling a loss of control. You can easily curb these instances by allowing your child to feel like they are part of making up some of the protocol. By at least appearing to give your child some of the control, you are helping them understand household law inside and out. This will lead directly to a willingness to follow.
  
- Teach your child – don’t assume it’s all happening outside the house. Home schooling is every parent’s job. Whether your child attends public or private school, or receives all their schooling at home, it is essential to the world’s best future that parents are the ones to fill in the blanks. There are plenty of skills not taught in school that play a massive role in determining who your children will grow up to be. Children are not raised in tupperware, and when they finally leave us to enter the world far away from our watchful eyes, they must have the sharpened tools that will help them be the best that they can be.
  
- Model appropriate behavior. Children do as they see, not as they’re told. If you want your child to be mindful of others, you must be mindful of others yourself. If you want your child to by happy, you must smile without hesitation. There is no one more influential to your child than you. At least for now.

Raising a happy child is hard work, but it is something that can and must be done.  Once you focus on the needs of your child and ensure you are doing all you can to meet them, your efforts will be rewarded. You will have a healthy and happy child, fortunate to have been raised in a family where childhood wasn’t permitted to simply fade away.

How To Be A Patient Parent

Every parent loses his or her patience — it’s a fact of life. There are no perfect angels when it comes to moms and dads — we all get frustrated or angry and lose it from time to time. But patience can be developed over time — it’s a habit, and like any other habit, it just takes some focus.

Here’s a list of great tips and methods. Try it out and experiment with it to help you become a more patient parent:
- Count to 10. This one really works. When you feel yourself getting frustrated or angry, stop. Count slowly to 10 (you can do this in your head). When you’re done, most of the initial impulse to yell will go away. Alternatively, if you count out loud to 10, your kids will learn quickly that this is a good sign to run away.

- Deep breaths. This works very well in conjunction with the above tip. Count to 10, and then take three slow, deep breaths. Feel the frustration draining out of you with each breath.

- What would mom do? When you find your ire rising, think?  “How would your mom handle this?” And using this role model, begin to change your behavior to something more positive. You can use any role model you want — not necessarily mom.

- How does this help? When you are about to say something to your kids, remember to ask myself, “How does this help my child?” This helps to re-focus on what’s really important. Yelling or getting angry rarely helps any situation.

- Take a break. Often it’s best just to walk away for a few minutes. Take a break from the situation, just for 5-10 minutes, let yourself calm down, plan out your words and actions and solution, and then come back calm as a monk.

- Teach. Kids are just kids — they are not perfect, they do not know how to do things, and they have a lot to learn. You are their teacher. Be patient, and teach them how to do things — even if you've  teach them 10 times before, it might be the 11th time when things click. And remember, none of us learn things on the first try either. Find new ways to teach something, and you’re more likely to be successful.

- Visualize. This works best if you do it before the frustrating situation comes up. When you’re alone and in a quiet place. Visualize how you want to react the next time your child does something that typically gets you mad. How do you handle the situation? How do you look? What do you say? How does your child react? How does it help your relationship with your child? Think about all these things, visualize the perfect situation, and then try to actually make that happen when the situation actually comes up.

- Just laugh. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that no one is perfect, that we should be enjoying this time with our kids, and that life should be fun — and funny. Smile, laugh, be happy. Doesn’t always work, but it’s good to remind yourself of this now and then.

Instead of reacting with anger, teach yourself to react with love. It’s the best solution.

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What Preventive Measures To Take When Your Children Are Online

The internet is vast and full of predators. It sounds scary and it is, but everyone knows that there is danger everywhere. It isn't isolated to the internet. However, the precautions are a bit different since you are dealing with technology and fighting against predators that are much more active in this medium.

The first step you want to take is communication. You want to know if your child is ready to go online and if they know the consequences of their actions. So ask them these questions:
1. Do you know who to talk to and who not to talk to?
2. What if someone asks for your personal information?
3. Who do you give your personal information to?


Your next step is to get some child-protection software. Some of these software are free and they do a good job. However your child will be shown ads and every parent has their own opinion about that. If you don't want your child in front of ads all the time, purchase the software. There also have a browsers available for free and with minimal ads. Search Google for child-safe browsers.

Let your child know about passwords and how to create them. If they can't create a good one on their own, create it for them. Let them know what a password is for and why they need to have a good one. Passwords are for protection and protection is your goal. So don't ignore this. Passwords are very important make sure your children understand.

Speaking of passwords make sure you know them all. Your child shouldn't be hiding things from you, especially on social media websites. Think Facebook and Youtube. You don't want them posting sensitive information or even private information. So monitor their social media use. There are a lot of predators on social media sites, not only sexual ones but viruses and Trojans.

Downloading is also a concern. You need to tell your child to look at what they are downloading, and to ask for your permission (if they aren't old enough). Downloading even certain images can have its bad effects. So tell them what is okay to download and what is not. If they aren't certain, then have them ask you!

Child safety isn't a one-time lesson. You need to teach your child to lookout for themselves on a continuous basis - that they should take be precautions when doing things online. Not that everyone is out to get them, but there are bad people in the world.
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How To Deal With A Lying Child

Teaching children morals and values is one of the toughest elements of parenting. When children lie to their parents, it feels like a major breech of trust. However, the important thing is to keep the focus on the child.

Parents should try not to be too worried or anxious about their child's lying. This behavior is not unusual for children. Sometimes children lie to get out of trouble, and it often works. Generally, lying is not the problem; it is a symptom of an underlying problem.

You need to move away from the idea of 'catching' their child in a lie. It is best if you can focus on the issues making the child lie instead of focusing on the lying part. Try to analyze the situation and figure out what is really bothering him/ her. If a child has only recently started lying, parents should consider if there have been any recent changes in the child's routine, school life, friends or a new sibling. Often lying is a reaction to stress or changes that children have a difficult time handling. Children often respond to stresses by seeking attention through 'acting out.' Children will seek any kind of attention when they feel needy. If parents think that this may be the problem, they should try making arrangements to spend special time alone with the child.

Suggested Solutions
A recommended approach to addressing your child's lying is to sit down and talk with the child, with no distractions. All other important things can wait, after all it is the one thing that you need to deal with now that shall inculcate the values even further, for a lifetime. Besides discussing the lying part, try to uncover what may be causing any anxiety. The child would not really know what's troubling him and it's quite possible that he/she might not be able to connect with this.

Help the child figure out what is stressful to him or her, and offer constructive ways of dealing with it. Try to help the child come up with alternatives to lying. When talking with your child, address the difference between make-believe and reality--lying and telling the truth. Stress to your child the importance of honesty at home and in the community.

Generally the fear of being punished can make the child speak the truth always, but it's also imperative that you don't use these tactics all the time, as children are quick in finding loop holes. Instead of punishing them for mistakes, praise them when they tell you something difficult. The key to changing a child's behavior is giving attention only for positive behavior. Then, reinforce the idea that they can tell you anything and you will always love them.

If your child's behavior continues for several more weeks, you may want to discuss the situation with their pediatrician. It is best to get some sound medical advise while ensuring that you are the best parent for your child!

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How To Communicate, Educate & Share As Your Child Develop.

Children grew up quickly. By the time we realized that, it may be too late. Thus it is important as parents, we should be there for them during the formative years to communicate, to educate and to share their early childhood days so that they grow up to be what we want them to be.

0 - 1 YEAR
At this stage in life, the concepts of right and wrong are not possible to teach. Rather, an infant who is shown warmth,cuddling and loving attention is likely to grow into a healthy and happy adult.

1-2 YEARS
 Rather than scolding a child or arguing with him about misbehavior, try to take preventative measures beforehand. If you don't want him pulling things out the cupboards, make sure they are secured. At this age of short attention span, discipline beyond a simple "no" is unnecessary and can have undesirable effects.
2 - 4 YEARS
Children of this age, unable to understand abstractions such as generosity and truth, imitate their parents. So set an example.Be firm in disallowing undesirable behavior, but do so in a kind and friendly manner,without attempting to explain why.
4 - 6 YEARS
This is the time where you can really take some positive steps to reinforce your child's positive behavior. Give him lots of praise when it's due. Children of this age respond well to simple reasoning and explanations. Concepts such as truthfulness and generosity can be introduced. Continue to set an example of acceptable behavior. The child at this stage wants to please you and wants to be liked by others.
5 - 8 YEARS
Children develop a greater social awareness at this age. They understand the basic rights of others when taught fairness,values and the need to follow certain rules of behavior. Rules and limitations not only seem just to the child, but give him a good feeling of security.
8 - 11 YEARS
Due to natural growth and influences outside the home, your child has likely become more independent. He may begin to question your decisions, contradict or argue. You must remain firm in the important matters and flexible in less important ones. Demonstrate and discuss the child's duties and responsibilities to friends, relatives and society. Set examples of moral behavior.
12 - 17 YEARS
These are normally rebellious years for most teenagers. In fact, teenagers who never rebel are probably in emotional trouble. As a parent you must weather the storm when your teenager begins to question and test conventional values, rules and beliefs. If you've instilled a sense of values at an early age, chances are he still retains many of those ideas. Try to keep lines of communication open and don't push the panic button. If communication does break down and tensions mount considerably, seek professional help.
18 YEARS AND OVER
At this stage most young adults are forming, or have formed, their own set of values. However, life still holds for them many unanswered questions, and a warm yet honest relationship can still go a long way in helping them reach mature adulthood.

Happy parenting. The journey maybe joyous and frustrating, but do remember that we were once a kid and our parents went through the same for us. Now it's our turn and hopefully we can do better for our kids than what our parents did for us. If you are not a parent yet or going to be one, my hope is that you will be better prepared when you read this.